While I rape this town red tonight would you wish that your soul could swim in virgin’s blood again, just once? Would you ever be brave enough to confess that I filled courage in what used to be called my heart (which now is just something left perforated from all the exit wounds I left on it)? Would you stand your ground with all the weight of memories making you miss me with each breath you take? What if gaps between your fingers were not supposed to be filled with mine anymore but by your folds of the skin wrinkling with the weight of us being together? Would your body ache for my touch which once dared to discover life in each and every curve of yours, will you ever let this pain turn into proudness that when I tell you that you are the most beautiful breathing artwork of mine? Would our home feel the same to you or the phantoms of our lovemaking will haunt each and every corner of it, even in the jolliest nights? Would your waist turn cold with each second even when covered with the heaviest fabric without my fingers to cover it? Would you dare to tear apart definitions of the love bit by bit by preaching that revenge brewed even Snape’s sacrifice? If all of my words makes up the skin that covers you today then would you let the wounded wolf hidden inside you to come to its surface howling and weeping for all the times I used to lay down listening to your heart sink into mine with our lips and our gazes locked into each other. Would it matter now if I tell you that I have no words left other than one drenched with bravery and honesty and all of them are here for a while, asking you something that matters?

Years from now, for all the suffering you have endured since the day I left you, would I be allowed to call all of my love for you an apology? Would I be given a chance amongst all the evil world has done, to explain how it was the sincerest form of apology I could have ever come lay down before you? Would I ever be successful to make you understand that the breaths we stole while our lips sealed each other were the compensation for these breathless nights? Would the syllables in your name fell apart and rearrange into mine’s without me to pronounce them anymore? Would my courage be allowed to rebuilt, to make you realize that even after all these days I had never meant to let you down? Would my extreme care for you way back then when we were together could be thought as compensation for the days now when even you don’t look after yourself? What if you were to tell me about the things that hurt you, would it be that I took away the trust you had for humans or that I left you incapable loving even yourself? All this while you have never needed your knees as these arms were there to carry you but now when I’m gone would you dare to take the blame of all our memories on your shoulders until each and every bone of yours breaks? Would you think there will ever be a bleak possibility of us to reminisce about the days when we were still there for each other? Would it be any different if I end us by telling you that all the words in here are for the deadly silence that will suspend between us?
Tonight it ends darling.
You are better off dead.

Picture Credits – Tyler Knott Gregson

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2 thoughts on “Love as an Apology

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